


fried rice and thigh highs

by autistic_nightfury



Series: things i keep on the shelf of my heart [5]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Age Difference, Age Regression/De-Aging, Childhood Trauma, Daddy Issues, Homophobic Language, Impact Play, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Sexual Bondage, Panic Attacks, Praise, Self-Hatred, but kinda more mild, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-09 10:20:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18636190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autistic_nightfury/pseuds/autistic_nightfury
Summary: “I-I don’t know if Daddy’s gonna li-like them.”





	fried rice and thigh highs

**Author's Note:**

> additional warnings: woojin has a panic attack in the beginning (its not very graphically described but its there), use of the f-word in the beginning, most of this is just a bdsm scene (very soft though)
> 
> idk what to say here except that i wanna stick my head in a bucket of water for a while. would be nice

Chan didn’t go to school the next week. That didn’t stop Seungmin and Jeongin from calling him about his birthday, pestering him until he promised they could come visit him after school.

 

Chan finally picked up the phone, and Woojin felt like he could cry from relief.

“Baby, thank gods.” He choked out, hands coming up to wipe at his wet cheeks. “I-I’m in the bathroom, I-I need you-” A sob broke through his chest, and he could hear Chan’s soothing voice from the speaker of his phone.

“I’ll be home as soon as possible bear, it’s okay.”

 

He fumbled with the keys, hands shaking as he unlocked the door and ran into the apartment. He barely remembered to close it behind him as he bolted to the bathroom.

“Ch-Chan…” Woojin whimpered, hands clenching around nothing. Chan sunk down on his knees in front of him, cradling his face gingerly, wiping away fresh tears with his thumbs. He pulled Woojin closer, letting him cry against his chest as his body shook erratically.

“I got you bear, I’m here.”

 

Woojin hadn’t had a panic attack in four years. He hadn’t lost control in four years. He wanted nothing more than to bang his head against the floor until he passed out. Wanted to scream until his voice gave out, punch the wall until his knuckles were bleeding.

But he didn’t. He just curled up against Chan’s chest, let himself feel small in his twitching arms.

“I’m sorry baby.” He croaked out, wincing at the way his voice rasped through his throat. Chan pulled him impossibly closer, and he could feel him shaking his head above him.

“You don’t have to say sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

It felt odd to reflect Woojin’s words back on him, felt odd to be in this mirrored situation where he was the stable one. 

“Can we go to bed?” Woojin whispered, voice nearly breaking, and Chan helped pull him up, supporting him as they walked slowly into their bedroom. He let Chan slip his clothes off in silence, and then crawled into the bed, curling up underneath the covers. Chan stood awkwardly next to the bed, not sure if Woojin wanted company or to be left alone. His questions were answered when the older man stretched one arm out, gesturing for him to join him. He undressed completely, blushing when he realised Woojin was openly staring at his ass.

“Did something specific happen?” He whispered as he got into the bed, jumping slightly when he felt Woojin’s trembling hands snake around his waist and pull him closer.

“My brother called.” The air was suddenly thick and uncomfortable, and Chan swallowed.” He… He wanted to know if I had stopped being a faggot.” Woojin spit out the last word, like it was a sour grape, and Chan flinched.

“When was the last time you talked to him?” He asked, voice so, so small. Woojin shrugged, tucking Chan closer to him under his chin.

“Two years ago, when I came out to him.” Chan remembered that, because he had been sitting in Woojin’s bedroom while he was there; he had curled up in one of Woojin’s hoodies, trembling as he heard the two men shout and scream at each. 

“Motherfucker.” Chan mumbled, wrapping a leg over Woojin’s hip and clinging even closer.

“It won’t happen again, I blocked his number this time.” Woojin reassured, kissing Chan on the forehead.

 

“Baby?” He called out, toeing off his shoes in the hallway. There was no response, but he could hear shuffling from their bedroom. 

He walked quietly to the room, opening the door carefully.

“Daddy!” Chan exclaimed as he stepped in, bouncing up to him and embracing him. He was wearing his giant hoodie, the sky blue one that made him look so soft and frail, and grey thigh high socks. Woojin wrapped his arms around him, checking the room for anything that Chan could hurt himself on. He was always more emotionally fragile in this headspace, and there had been more than once when he had hurt himself because of something small that had happened.

“Hi baby, why didn’t you answer when I called?” He asked as he pulled away, and Chan held up one hand, a ballgag dangling from it.

“Couldn’t.” He giggled, and kissed Woojin sloppily on the mouth.

“Ah, you were playing? Want me to play with you?” Chan nodded enthusiastically, pulling him down on the floor next to the bed, where his toy box was laying with the lid off. He pulled out the rope bundle and handed it to Woojin, who unraveled it with deft fingers.

“Can you do any knots Dad?” Chan said, pulling out a black plastic bag from under the bed. He peaked into it, giggling slightly before setting it next to the box.

“Give me your wrists and I’ll show you.” Chan held out his hands expectantly, and Woojin quickly restrained him with a handcuff knot, securing it with a square knot before leaning down and kissing his boyfriend’s knuckles. Chan laughed, tugging at the ropes.

“I like this one.” He said, getting up on his knees and crawling into Woojin’s lap. Woojin held him close, hand rubbing gently up and down his legs, tracing patterns over the socks that made Chan shiver.

“Did you buy new toys?” He asked, pointing to the black bag, and Chan tensed up, but nodded.

“I-I don’t know if Daddy’s gonna li-like them.” He mumbled, but didn’t stop him when Woojin pulled it closer to look inside.

A spanking paddle. A flogging whip. A plastic box with candles in many colours. A thick leather collar with a chain leash. A Wartenberg wheel in steel.

“What is this baby?” Chan curled into himself, and Woojin frowned. He put the bag down, sitting Chan up so he was facing Woojin, and pushed the hood away from his face. “Why did you buy these?” He asked, trying to sound as gentle as possible as he caressed his boyfriend’s cheek. Chan squirmed, wringing his hands back and forth.

“I-I want Daddy to hurt me. But not in a bad way! Channie just likes p-pain…” He whimpered, and Woojin was quick to soothe, wiping the tears away as soon as they fell.

“It’s okay baby, there’s nothing wrong with that. We’ll talk more about it when you’re bigger, yeah?” Chan nodded, rubbing his face against his sleeve.

“Kisses?” He asked, looking up at Woojin under his bangs, chewing on his lip. Woojin smiled, unable to resist his baby, and leaned in to catch his lips.

 

It felt very liberating to not have to wear pants, to feel safe enough to wander the apartment in only his hoodie and socks.

He twirled around, humming along to the music as he tidied the living room. Woojin was in the kitchen, belting out the lyrics to whatever ballad he had turned on as he made lunch. He had taken the day off work to spend it with Chan, to celebrate his birthday, and was making pasta with a cheesy sauce. 

Woojin had suggested trying out some of new his toys, as a birthday gift; he had reminded him that Seungmin and Jeongin would pop in during the afternoon. Woojin had just kissed him, assuring him that he could wait.

“Baby? Can you come in here?” Chan poked his head in through the kitchen door, skipping into his boyfriend’s open arms. 

“Hi Dad, did you need something?” He asked, yelping when Woojin picked him up and placed him on the counter.

“Just your company baby. Hand me the oil?”

 

Jeongin and Seungmin only stayed for an hour, thankfully, and Woojin excused himself to the kitchen after ten awkward minutes, ignoring Seungmin’s glares as he kissed Chan on the forehead.

He got antsy pretty quickly though, and decided to make fried rice, in case Chan wanted something to eat later on. He could hear them talking loudly, occasional laughs mixed in. 

Seungmin had been cold to him since he had opened the door, but that was expected. Jeongin had been nicer, but it was still tense. Chan had done his best to distract them all from it, but Woojin simply couldn’t take Seungmin’s subtle jabs at him.

“Mhm, smells good Daddy.” Chan said as he stepped into the kitchen, kicking off his sweatpants. He jumped up on the counter, happily accepting the spoonful of fried rice Woojin offered him to taste. “Hm, more garlic?”

 

Chan was a bit anxious; scratch that, he was actually terrified.

“Baby, you ready?” Woojin asked, cracking open the door to their bedroom. Chan took a deep breath, opening the door fully so he was standing in front of Woojin.

“B-baby ready.” He said with a shaky breath, hands fiddling with the hem of his sweater. Two fingers appeared in front of his face, and they lifted his chin so he was staring right into Woojin’s pretty brown eyes, filled with love and adoration and glistening faintly with tears.

“I love you so much, you know that right? My brave baby boy.” He swept Chan off his feet, holding him up with ease. Chan hid his face, blushing even more when Woojin cooed over him as he carried him into the living room, placing him on the couch and laying down on top of him.

“S-start gentle Daddy.” He mumbled, the weight of the situation, and Woojin, finally sinking down on him.

 

Woojin didn’t know what he had expected from it, but this? This calm, subdued joy, filling his lungs as he whipped Chan, the quiet sobbing spurring on his hits? It was better than anything he could have imagined.

“Colour baby?” He asked, leaning down to sweep Chan’s sweaty locks from his forehead so he could kiss it.

“Green, so green Dad, please continue…” He breathed out, hands clenching at the teddy bear he had been biting on. Woojin stroked down his back, smiling when he noticed how Chan arched into the touch. He dropped the flogger in the armchair, instead picking up the paddle.

“You are doing so good baby, count for me yeah?” Chan nodded, crying out the numbers as the paddle landed on his ass, five, ten, fifteen, twenty counts. Woojin dropped the paddle next to the flogger, picking up the collar instead. “C’mon, down on the ground.” Chan slid from where he was bent over on the couch, leaning his head on the seat as he kneeled. Woojin guided his head up, putting the collar on. He clipped the leash on, tugging carefully until Chan was on all fours, the teddy bear abandoned on the floor.

“Daddy, ‘opes.” He slurred, and Woojin tugged more.

“Gotta be good first, then I’ll tie you up, okay? C’mon, follow me.” Chan whimpered, taking small, slow steps as he crawled after Woojin into the kitchen. 

“Food ‘addy?” Woojin smiled, patting his head as he nodded.

“Can you sit on your pillow baby?” Chan obeyed, crawling over to the pillow and kneeling, grimacing at the pressure put on his sore thighs and ass. Woojin attached the leash to his belt and grabbed the bowl of fried rice from the fridge, sitting down in front of Chan to feed him with chopsticks.

He was so pliant, so obedient in this headspace, it was nearly scary. Woojin could be holding a knife to his throat and he wouldn’t even whine, just apologize for being bad.

“‘Opes Da’?” Chan asked when they were done, and Woojin was washing the bowl and chopsticks. The younger nuzzled into his hip from where he was kneeling next to Woojin, and he dried his hand so he could pat him on the head.

“Patience baby, soon.”

 

The robes were rubbing his pale thighs red and raw, and he whined in the back of his throat as Woojin finished the knot on his wrists.

“‘Addy.” He mumbled, happily accepting the ballgag offered to his mouth. He chewed down on it a few times, unfocused eyes barely following the movement in front of him. He blinked a few times, yawning around the ball in his mouth.

“You’re doing so well baby boy. I’m setting a timer for ten minutes, drop the bells if you want out before that.” A bellcluster was placed in his hands, and he shook it, giggling at the pretty sound. A hand stroked his hair, and he leaned into the touch.

 

Chan was groggy after being untied, and only started coming back fully when Woojin helped him into the bathtub.

“Fuck.” He said, words muted as he leaned his head on his knees. Woojin removed his underwear and sank down behind him, turning on the water and enveloping him in a hug.

“Hi darling.” Chan grunted, leaning into his chest. “Bigger?” He added, and Chan just groaned, wiggling around so he was resting on his side against Woojin.

“Fuckin’... Gods, my head is filled with cotton.” He mumbled.

“You did well.” Woojin planted a kiss on the top of his head, reaching out to turn off the water tap that had filled the tub halfways at that point.

Chan let Woojin wash him in silence, small grunts escaping him occasionally. Woojin talked to him quietly, mostly to fill the otherwise silent bathroom. When he didn’t know what else to say, he started singing, and Chan hummed along as Woojin conditioned his hair.

“Is it weird if I want to fuck you right now?” Chan wondered out loud, stopping Woojin’s singing as he thought, careful when rinsing the conditioner out of Chan’s hair so it wouldn’t get in his eyes.

“No, because literally anything can get you horny.” He said, and Chan turned around with a huff as soon as Woojin was done with rinsing his hair.

“No, I mean I want to fuck you.” Woojin’s eyes widened, and he dumped some water over Chan’s head so the younger couldn’t see him blush.

“Shut up.”

 

Chan did shut up, but he pulled Woojin into his lap as they went back to their bedroom, holding the older still when he tried to climb off.

“Bear, is it-” He couldn’t get out any more, as Woojin put a hand over his mouth.

“I-I haven’t bottomed in years love. And last time I-” Chan watched as Woojin took a shaky breath, and when he looked up his eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I can’t do it. I can’t do it or I’ll have a panic attack. I can’t-” Chan pulled him closer, let him wet his shoulder with tears as he rubbed his back.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. It’s up to you.”

 

Woojin knew he had to tell him about his trauma, knew it would only hurt both of them if Chan didn’t know about his previous relationships. But the fear in his mind strangled his rationality, and he didn’t want to upset the careful balance they had established.

 

Chan knew that there was more to Woojin’s words, knew that it was something important, but the thought of pushing his boyfriend for more made his knees want to give out and his throat close. But he would do it, somehow; Woojin needed him to.

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes it feels like ppl who are fucked up gravitate towards each other, based on personal experience
> 
> hey y'all, i made a nsfw twitter? i dont really know what im doing with it but its fun so far, i'm @/toothywoochan, and my curiouscat is in my profile, under the same name


End file.
